Sarah McDonald
Kids Play Gym

Product description:
– Great example of writing engaging copy
– Needs a headline and sub-headline
– Inject PROOF element early in the description, even in the headline
– Opportunities to use bullet points
– Using of Amazon style images is worth testing
– Use captions with images
– Weave in reviews to description
– Use headline and sub-headline on the other description tabs

Gisselle De La Cruz
Kids Fashion

Product description:
– Could add use “future pacing” technique which is to evoke the reader to picture a situation in the future.

Example: “Imagine how proud you’ll feel when you see complete strangers admiring how smartly dressed your son… Could you handle strangers approaching you to compliment how elegant your son looks, and asking where you bought his outfit?

– Add some other benefits in bullet points
– Get some reviews from friends

David Thomson
Custom number plates

Thank you page copy

– Trying to do too much on one page
– Choose the #1 primary objective for your thank you page
– We identified the BIG IDEA for the main hook on the TY page
– Divide the other points into individual emails
– ‘Junk-up’ the copy with bullet points, sub-headlines and more
– Reduce the length of copy that wasn’t adding any value

Tracey Greatbatch
Essential Oils Facebook posts

– Wanted feedback on why her FB post didn’t work
– Asking too much commitment from one post
– We found a successful post that converted well
– Suggested to copy the successful FB post because the ‘hook’ worked
– Reduce some text that eluded it was a multi-level marketing biz